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what did I do to deserve this? jake | Promotions Director
02/22/2011 | Filed In:

what did I do to deserve this?

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.its all right there in the title. The Public IS aware of our show. We have educated many of you, about a great many things. Though our efforts many of you no longer have a ‘Utah’ accent. It is rare that I speak to FOP’s and have to correct them. (a glass of mIlk, not mElk. Mail, not mell. Owl, not Al. Although I did meet a guy who had a pet Owl named Al. And that man’s name was not Al.) We have taught you that Actors cannot be trusted, because they lie for a living. (And I’m talking ALL actors. Don’t give me that ‘I know some trustworthy actors. Don’t accuse them all for the actions of one’ SHADDAP! In your heart, you know I’m right! I’m the only one with courage enough to say what were all thinking!) The importance of checking the date and sniffing the milk before you use it. To always pick door number 3. If a politicians lips are moving, that means they are lying to you. Batman will defeat anyone who opposes him. (Anyone! Not even Abe Lincoln with a Time machine and a light sabre. We’ve had this talk, people! Don’t bring it up again!) And of course, the most important math equation you’ll ever learn. Monkeys = funny, Farts = funny, ergo: farting monkey = a laugh so hard it could burst a blood vessel in your brain causing a hemorrhage and eventual death. So, I am proud to accept this award even though I think it’s a little late. And on my list of people to thank…..there will be 3 names. Kerry, Bill and Gina. With my name at the top, in bold, because the farting monkey thing was all me.


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