Boner of the Day

June 19 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 07:31:24 -0600

1. My bologina has a first name 2. I am in a mchuggin hurry!!! 3. The baby was driving

June 18 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 06:10:32 -0600

1. I need my bunnies 2. Liberal fly killer! 3. What a scam!

June 17 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 10:41:15 -0600

1) No PDAs. 2. Dont you know who he is? 3. How fast was I going?

June 16 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 08:35:04 -0600

1) Science be damned, I'm a capitalist. 2. Go to hell 3. Oodles of poodles

June 15 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 08:37:05 -0600

1) Gimme your diamonds!!! 2) Try to stab me!!!! 3) He said it, so I kicked it out of him!!!

June 12 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 08:37:04 -0600

1) Don't mess with Union! They will eat you up. 2) That dogs a killer 3) What would you do if you spilled beer all over your pants?

June 11 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 08:37:03 -0600

1) If you're carrying 7lbs. of pot, be cool man. 2) My sleep number is 1,000,000 3) OMG!!!! I'm hiding from the cops! LOL. BTW!!! Don't tell!!!

June 10 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 08:31:17 -0600

1) You should have seen the one that got away. 2) Come to Arkansas for our educated workmen 3) Have you met our coach, Coach Fagin?

June 09 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 9 Jun 2009 07:23:34 -0600

1) Betty Lou, what did you do? 2) What happened to the pig?, 3) I'm against anything that might help those promiscuous Mexicans.

June 08 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 8 Jun 2009 08:11:26 -0600

1) What are you gonna do? Give me an MUI?, 2) And she didn't even thank us, 3) These kids drive me to drink

June 05 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 8 Jun 2009 08:11:25 -0600

1. Don't You Know Who I Am? 2. No One Ever Gave Me A Hand Up 3. Kill The Freaks

June 04 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 4 Jun 2009 07:59:03 -0600

1. Don't You Know Who I Am? 2. No One Ever Gave Me A Hand Up 3. Kill The Freaks

June 03 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 3 Jun 2009 07:16:56 -0600

1. I was just trying to help 2. Next week were going to publicize the launch codes 3. Who is going to pay the damn rent?

June 02 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 2 Jun 2009 07:23:12 -0600

1. My tweet: I'm out for a run 2. You know danged expensive powr is. 3 He reaped what he sowed.

June 01 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 1 Jun 2009 10:18:28 -0600

1. It's a damn cartoon people. 2. And so i bit her. 3. If you get hit with a bucket of shi$%#$! Be sure to close your eyes

May 29 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 29 May 2009 09:18:05 -0600

1. Its the 21st century, except in South Africa 2. Cop beating the EMT 3. Growing weed with dad

May 28 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 28 May 2009 07:21:57 -0600

1. so if you wanna make 20 dollars.. 2. Let the poor do something else 3. This buds for you Mr Bogota hearse driver.

May 27 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 27 May 2009 07:20:44 -0600

1. Isn't this one of dem up and down bathrooms. 2. I was robbed by a 12 pack 3. My wife is sick and I'm lonely.

May 26 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 26 May 2009 07:15:48 -0600

1.We'll help you for a price. 2. My soup tastes funny. 3 Just get to it, ya pussy.

May 22 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 22 May 2009 07:21:43 -0600

1.He was cured! 2. The worms come out, the worms come out, the worms play Pinochle on your snout 3.Gimme a shot to the bread basked will ya?

May 21 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 21 May 2009 07:19:22 -0600

1. I'm telling you Jesus went to my church 2. Dog killer... on accident 3. He didnt need it, he was dying

May 20 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 20 May 2009 07:21:53 -0600

1. I'm slow to anger 2. A $20 coin you say 3. We'll show your kids what its like at work.

May 19 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 19 May 2009 07:17:13 -0600

1. I know its tempting but you can't do this 2. No food or drink by the pool 3. Whats the big deal? That's how we made them

May 18 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 18 May 2009 07:17:50 -0600

1.Hey lets gets brooks mom out of the home and get her to do something nutty 2. We're not giving no drugs to no kids 3.Who's afraid of terrorists not the Boy Scouts

May 15 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 15 May 2009 07:52:56 -0600

1.Right tool for the right job 2. No Waiting in line for me! 3. Little Bobby was going to be late for tennis!

May 14 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 14 May 2009 07:18:38 -0600

1. Where would you go for your last meal? 2. What I got allergies what? 3. This DVD is hot yet disturbing.

May 13 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 13 May 2009 07:21:16 -0600

1. We told you just say no to prom. 2. Mark Shurtleff is a Twit. 3. It was my first day as a guard

May 12 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 12 May 2009 07:27:58 -0600

1. Hello, armed robber here! Hello! 2. Oh, I wasn't supposed to drive? 3. Move it or lose it.

May 11 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 11 May 2009 07:34:09 -0600

1. I hate broccoli 2. Terrorism: what would you do 3. I hope I win the raffle.

May 8 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 8 May 2009 09:54:57 -0600

1. Car with a Boot 2. Naked thief 3. Kid shocker

May 7 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 7 May 2009 07:17:30 -0600

1. Hey, prisoner! Where'd you get that shirt? 2. Gotten hemmel keep your greetings down. 3.Noo thieves in here only ladies.

May 6 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 6 May 2009 07:21:56 -0600

1. Bristol Palin to help find teen pregnancy 2. Here's what you shouldn't say 3. Keep the queers away from my kids

May 5 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 5 May 2009 07:19:20 -0600

1. Help me I m a burglar stuck on the roof 2. Karaoke brawl 3. You wanna piece of this?

May 4 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 4 May 2009 07:25:56 -0600

1. Swine Flu Swine 2. Nibble nibble little mousy 3. A scary thing happened at FEMA

May 1 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 1 May 2009 07:23:17 -0600

1. I was out of embalming fluid. 2. Maybe he's old but he's your husband. 3. Ya know Billskaneer is the name you need to change.

April 30 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 07:18:22 -0600

1. How much for the little girl 2. Swine flu oh you guys are so crazy 3. They didn't kill him cause he was gay.

April 29 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 07:30:50 -0600

1.Hey! I gotta pay for my schiister 2. So much for the separation of church and state 3. Ohhh that's why I am always so thirsty.

April 28 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 07:06:12 -0600

1. I'm a therapist and I had a panic attack. 2. If you are a liberal the devil made you do it 3. Who wants to buy some moustache hair?

April 27 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 07:16:04 -0600

1. Someone has to pay the rent 2.Don't tase me bro. 3. Scat the cat.

April 24 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 08:07:52 -0600

1. Duct tape it 2. Happy Birthday! 3. Get mommy some panties

April 23 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:24:57 -0600

1. It looked like a appendix to me. 2. Baby shaker, no no no. 3. You got my DNA from a hunk of chaw?

April 22 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 10:15:11 -0600

1. How'd you know it was me? 2. Get out, get out, get out, get out! 3. Not the face, not the face!

April 21 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 07:28:48 -0600

1. I will teach you to drive under all conditions 2. Scared the poo out of em. 3. I put it on the fridge as a reminder.

April 20 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 05:54:54 -0600

1. Perfume smells like a urinal cake 2.Hey guys watch this 3. Lil help here

April 17 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 07:28:55 -0600

1. I think we oughta but the terrorists 2. I'm gonna out-smarts the fuzz 3. Damn whore stole my pants

April 16 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 07:05:39 -0600

1. So now I gotta go get me a damned witch doctor. 2. Me fear big light 3. Sorry for the booger sandwich

April 15 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 07:22:47 -0600

1. Sorry honey your out of a job 2. Bitch owed me 3. Porn test.

April 14 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 06:19:28 -0600

1. I was just so sleepy. 2. Homo-writers. Off the list! 3. I was mugged by a guy who looks just like me.

April 13 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:15:27 -0600

1. Mom, stop calling me2. Here comes the gravy 3. Hiiieee-ya

April 10 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:14:39 -0600

1. Where's my Phone? 2. Rob the licker store 3. Asian names!

April 9 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 9 Apr 2009 06:14:04 -0600

1. I lv to f u 2. No extra shrimp 3. Stab ya

April 8 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 8 Apr 2009 07:26:04 -0600

1. Hey my trees! 2.I was cleanin stuff up. 3. Where's the huggin funeral?

April 7 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 7 Apr 2009 07:44:19 -0600

1. What is the worst thing you can call a leader of the Mormon church 2. The crime of birth control 3.Give the naked nanny a break.

April 6 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 6 Apr 2009 07:16:46 -0600

1.Dinkle your banned from graduation. 2. Take a picture it will last longer 3. That's a bag of porn.

April 3 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 3 Apr 2009 07:25:29 -0600

1. Our first thought was to switch the heads. 2. Hey baby, wanna go for a ride? 3. There are some sick people in the world.

April 2 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 2 Apr 2009 06:49:50 -0600

1. I was researchin' a case 2. Hey, this'll be funny here 3. Blood on the hood

April 1 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 1 Apr 2009 07:26:44 -0600

1. Honey wanna drink? 2. You know how fast that stool was going? 3 Come on! Give me a shot.

March 31 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 06:44:40 -0600

1. Losing is for losers 2. We will chop off your Willie. 3 We'd thought you'd like this remembrance of your dear departed husband.

March 30 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 07:27:19 -0600

1. A boner nomination from someone who loves her sweet aunt. 2. There will be no booty poppin' 3. Sham WOW! You whore

March 27 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 07:20:36 -0600

1. I can screw you over 2. Pee Money 3. Your child's school attendance record is unacceptable

March 26 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 07:42:11 -0600

1. Let's Talk 2. She doesn't love me and she doesn't love you. 3. Lies and the lying liars who tell them.

March 25 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 06:05:51 -0600

1. Don't you know who I am? 2. Dirty little skate rats 3. No fartin' in Lakeland

March 24 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 09:56:23 -0600

1. Don't you know who I am? 2. Dirty little skate rats 3. No fartin' in Lakeland

March 23 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 08:02:48 -0600

1. I was sleepin it off. 2. Sorry about the leg mate. 3. Woof

March 20 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 07:32:04 -0600

1.Obama should take up bumper bowling. 2. Don't blame me. Blame Satan! 3. It was the gun's fault.

March 19 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 06:12:08 -0600

1. I'ma gonna cut that thing offa ya HAW HAW HAW! 2. My bar is not full of cocaine and I know it! 3. Hey kids!!! Looky here

March 18 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 06:11:18 -0600

1. I got my deer 2. Answers blowing in the wind 3. The senator and the song writer does neither very well

March 17 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 06:10:41 -0600

1. Damn seal lovers 2. Senator Grassly has committed ritual stupidity 3. Well, we're fat, give us some money

March 16 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 06:10:40 -0600

1. My Kool Aid tastes like windshield washer fluid 2. Hey take a chill pill! 3. Did ya get your door?

March 13 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 08:05:16 -0600

1. Um, Hold the lettuce 2. Don't you know who I am. I am an important senator who was recently involved in a sex scandal. 3. I know what those Tannin women like.

March 12 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 07:39:49 -0600

1. Fish tank attack! 2. Sorry honey I guess it really is a sawsall. 3. Hey dude we signed a blood oath.

March 11 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 07:58:19 -0600

1. Yeah I had a belt to settle nerves 2. Second rule of Fight club- never use tards 3. I like you, would you like to see my weapon?

March 10 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 07:31:32 -0600

1. I needed new shoes. 2. Get naked or else. 3. That statue did not work at all.

March 9 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 9 Mar 2009 07:49:39 -0600

1. We have no use for the poor 2. Guess I gotta dance now 3. The stupid- it burns

March 6 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 6 Mar 2009 07:59:00 -0700

1. I'll give you two bucks if you make it an iceball 2. Hey, kids, you wanna see my diaper 3. Ya educators oughta just stay off the internet

March 5 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 5 Mar 2009 07:34:43 -0700

1. Ricky Lee Sample, you put it on the hood! 2. Scammin' the Girl Scouts 3. It's a Chuck-E Cheese beat down.

March 4 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 4 Mar 2009 08:04:41 -0700

1. Hey, I'm an independent film maker 2. A McNugget emergency 3. Congratulations! Your fiancee is an idiot

March 3 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 3 Mar 2009 08:33:24 -0700

1. There you go hero, here' your jay walking ticket 2. If they don't speakup let 'em sleep in the pan 3. That kitty was high strung

March 2 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 2 Mar 2009 07:58:28 -0700

1. Bill O'Reilly knows you don't like Obama because you like him 2. Well that smell is a violation too 3. I can't let the baby go hungry

February 27 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 07:47:46 -0700

1. How much for the little girl? 2. What is this soda? It's Mellow Yellow, isn't it? 3. Just plant a watermelon seed upon my grave and let the juice run through

February 26 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 09:56:46 -0700

1. Some of our legislators are lunes, plain and simple 2. Like his character in Gran Turino, Clint Eastwood is apparently a racist bastard 3. Raised by dogs

February 25 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 07:44:39 -0700

1. Leave my daughter alone 2. Hey kids look at these 3. The bright blue scrotum.

February 24 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 09:44:15 -0700

1. I didn't lay a gavel on her 2. We don't want that president on our marquee 3. Mmm..honey what's in the oven?

February 23 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 11:57:08 -0700

1. You, dad of the year, stop! 2. George Bush's grandpa stole Geronimo's bones 3. Dude, your pot tastes like crap

February 20 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 08:52:58 -0700

1. Has anybody seen that wallet I stole? 2. Nice snakey, snakey 3. He was dead drunk (with a German accent, please)

February 19 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:05:01 -0700

1. I am hot and bothered 2. There ain't no towels dammit 3. My class paper is called "A Painful Afternoon"

February 18 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 10:42:10 -0700

1. Wedgie! 2. A cuddle is better than medicine 3. Mean buggers

February 17 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 08:10:10 -0700

1. I'm going for a ride with daddy 2. It blowed up real good 3. Domo origato Mr. Drunkboto

February 13 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 08:49:40 -0700

1. Well, I'm finally nominating the OctaMom. 2. I'm the drummer of Foreigner, give me your Corvette. 3. You drive, daddy's had too much liquid medicine.

February 11 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 09:27:07 -0700

1. Station wagon for dogs. 2. Our swim coach is a bully. 3. Your special son will not be included

February 10 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 08:00:03 -0700

1. You're an insult to Canadians and that's hard to do. 2. Maybe this won't cheer you up. 3. Dude we didn't get high.

February 9 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 9 Feb 2009 07:59:50 -0700

1. Devil's been hiding in the terlot. 2. Reach in there 'n dig it out. 3. Oh no! Granny Cha, not again.

February 6 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 6 Feb 2009 08:50:24 -0700

1. 31 Really stupid classmates. 2.But she's so HOTT! 3. No way i was making fun of those sneaky little people

February 5 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 5 Feb 2009 10:19:47 -0700

1. We respectfully say, we cannot save your life. 2. I've been a teachin man. 3. The impailer loves you baby!

February 4 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 4 Feb 2009 08:31:27 -0700

1. There's apigeon in my pants and he does a funny dance. 2. This is the way we don't in Russia. 3. 911, 911, 911, would you hold please?

February 3 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 3 Feb 2009 08:12:14 -0700

1. That sixpack was making a movie on me. 2. My daughter made me do it. 3. The real american psycho.

February 2 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 2 Feb 2009 08:47:21 -0700

Richie messed up-sorry. Download the Podcast to hear the rest of the show.

January 30 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 10:06:41 -0700

1. I needed mapquest. 2. I miss my brother. 3. Is there no privacy.

January 29 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 07:57:47 -0700

1. Screw the memorial pipes and screw the memorial drums. 2. Mmm...Fish nuts 3. Ladies and gentlemen, my client Mr. Zippy.

January 28 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 08:36:08 -0700

1. Well we're not charging for the extra days. 2. Metallica rules dude! 3. This doll is a tribute.

January 27 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 08:10:41 -0700

1. Did you get that thing I sent you? 2. He is otherwise a good and honest man 3. Pay up or we'll freeze you out.

January 26 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 08:24:10 -0700

1.Hi. I'm Officer Friendly Teen 2. Well we got a winder but not pot to throw out of it 3. I'm just not so fresh down there.

January 23 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 08:38:08 -0700

1.Hey nice cradenza 2. Hey son thanks for snitching on your dad 3.Do you have any racist cookies today?

January 22 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 07:36:40 -0700

1.uhhhhhhh 2. Take that you little brats 3. Get me outta here.

January 21 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 09:29:11 -0700

1.Eat my brownie will ya? 2.Ok!, Ok enough is enough. 3. It's not our fault your plane crashed.

January 20 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 10:34:48 -0700

No Boner Today..The equipment took the day off to watch Obama's Inaguration

January 19 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 09:03:06 -0700

1.Hmm. This wreath looks familiar. 2.Fun with headlines 3.Pleasure and death behind the wheel

January 16 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 18:13:48 -0700

1.Some of those MMA guys aren't that smart 2. Ride home ma'am? 3. So you want AIDS, ay?

January 15 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 09:26:37 -0700

1. Vigilanteism, its not good. 2. He was shocked after having a movement. 3. Now that's what I call USDA Prime.

January 14 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 08:33:11 -0700

1. I'd like you to meet my friend Sooty 2. I just want to help all those that I have hurt 3. I've been sent to the school nurse

January 13 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 09:31:44 -0700

1. Especially a numb-nut like me 2. How come Caroline Kennedy gets special treatment and I don't? 3. 911- I didn't get my beer, man

January 12 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 09:21:30 -0700

1. Whaaaaa! 2. What we're looking for here is a portly ninja 3. What? Raghead? Offensive? What?

January 9 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 9 Jan 2009 10:59:24 -0700

1. Katie Couric's been exploiting me 2. I left your Mary Kay order on your porch 3. Another George Bush one finger victory salute

January 8 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 8 Jan 2009 10:51:07 -0700

Sorry, no boner. Technical difficulties.

January 7 2009 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 7 Jan 2009 10:54:37 -0700

1. Without your money, we couldn't pay for this ad 2. We ain't singin' Britney again 3. I'm shocked I tell you

December 23 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 09:08:01 -0700

3 Boners

December 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 10:19:32 -0700

1. I am the luckiest guy in the world. 2. It was an unfortunate accident. 3. I told you to piss up a rope.

December 19 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 11:12:57 -0700

1. Everyone will know what you did! 2. Get out and push. 3. Thats my kitty, Ezarl

December 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:32:10 -0700

1.well it wasnt real bad cancer 2. in georgia? really, im shocked! 3. pay up or pizza sign gets it!

December 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 08:42:57 -0700

1.well perhaps mister Haus, YOU should be happy to have a job.2. Its clear he needed to use pig repelant. 3. am i wanted? you are now.

December 16 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 10:29:00 -0700

1. we'll be nuked by Christmas. 2. I want my pee back. 3. seg heil for the nice man honey.

December 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 10:05:54 -0700

1. How much bail money do I need to print? 2. Oh, How'd you find me? 3. Um, I think somebody is trying to steal our car.

December 12 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 08:32:42 -0700

1. Woooo! Miss wasted! 2. I just touched their sternum. 3. Don't lie about your name when it's on your neck.

December 11 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:41:14 -0700

1.Great big gobs of greasey, grimy, gopher guts mutilated monkey meat. 2.Were gonna get finger lickn clean! 3. Rocky, Rocky... Please stop listening.

December 10 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 08:25:57 -0700

1. Mind if I light up? 2. Yeah, eatin an apple in bed, yeah that's it! 3. Hey! She was drooling all over our stuff.

December 9 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 9 Dec 2008 11:30:01 -0700

1. he was just rough housing. 2. An enormous long word drobe malfunction. 3. She needed an impound.

December 8 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 9 Dec 2008 10:21:00 -0700

1. I'd like the venison pizza, but hold the anchovies please. 2. They told me i could use the runway. 3. Eh, who should we get for our slavery demonstration.

December 5 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 5 Dec 2008 09:01:38 -0700

1. Stand Back! Let me taste that! 2. The dumper was dumped. 3. Well you didn't have a special lane marked crowning.

December 4 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 4 Dec 2008 08:02:24 -0700

1. Here's your war on Christmas 2. Smooth move, plate face. 3. All I want for Christmas is a T

December 3 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 3 Dec 2008 07:54:07 -0700

1. Daddy will buy if Joshy will fly. 2. I'm the superintendent I'll park where I want. 3. We were just trying to make work fun.

December 2 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 2 Dec 2008 10:11:41 -0700

1. Im drug and pants free. 2. Just hanging around with your pants down. 3.The war on, the war on Christmas

December 1 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 1 Dec 2008 09:08:17 -0700

1. I was going for a record 10 cars. 2. The Governor needs a rug! 3. You try sexing a polar bear.

November 26 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:07:45 -0700

1. My Legs Is Runned Over! 2. Hey, he's a better date than most dj's. 3. Got undt hellden were in love.

November 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 08:27:35 -0700

1.They're not panties, they're BRIEFS! 2. Mold 3. Wimp.

November 24 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 09:15:00 -0700

1. Where's my rifle? 2. Hey we gotta eat man!! 3. Hey you big teddy bear, give me a hug.

November 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 09:02:22 -0700

1. Yeah, right, and he'll cook over an open fire, too. 2. Pulling a 187 3. Find them and lock them up forever.

November 20 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 10:32:18 -0700

1. You sent my mom where? 2. We Flunked Symbolism in High School. 3. Drop the casket, Pal!

November 19 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 07:33:07 -0700

1.I like the bad boys 2. Burn em out! 3. The cool kids know how to get beer.

November 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 08:15:12 -0700

1.Like my necklace? You better like it man 2. Elementary school Assassins? 3. Farmington doesn't care for the poor.

November 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 08:05:12 -0700

1.Bah, I'm having a bad day. 2. Mom, if you promise not to tell I'll give you a fiver. 3. My boyfriend is a hunk of burnin love.

November 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 11:07:42 -0700

1. Its a quantum of what now? 2. No Wafers for socialists. 3. What do you mean theres nothing to rob?

November 13 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 08:25:58 -0700

1. The boner candidate you all wanted to be nominated. 2. Obama is President and the world has gone crazy. 3. Free speech and the right to bear arms is a dangerous combination

November 12 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 08:20:59 -0700

1. If you're wearing a scarf, you're in a gang. 2 You drive, no, you drive, no YOU drive 3. Well let's just continue on to the cemetery.

November 11 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:19:08 -0700

1. I was undercover! 2.It's raining, but it's a warm rain. 3. It's our brand new kiln room.

November 10 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 07:42:17 -0700

1. The radical Obama media. 2. The country's first African American president? Ho-Hum...2. Being a slave was a walk in the park.

November 07 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 7 Nov 2008 08:49:34 -0700

1. Get in the kitchen Squishy!! 2. I drink when I fly to relax me!! 3. Shhpider!!

November 06 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 6 Nov 2008 08:20:49 -0700

1. I gave the little baby some insurance 2.What? No fried chicken reference? 3. You! You guys are the boner!

November 05 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 5 Nov 2008 08:18:35 -0700

1. Speaking of legs, yours will be extra. 2. So what's wrong with a naked pumpkin? 3. That money just didn't feel right in my G-string.

November 04 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 4 Nov 2008 08:45:13 -0700

1. Desperation Political Ad 1 2. Desperation Political Ad 2 3.Let's all say goodbye to the dumbest man in Congress

November 03 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 3 Nov 2008 08:03:05 -0700

1. What? It's Halloween, what? 2. Gosh Mr. Sarkozy, you are sooo French. 3. Sorry Jesus we're going to have to send you home.

October 31 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 09:00:38 -0600

1.Why must the muslims be so touchy? 2. Crikey were not taking care of your weird son! 3. Carloads of black obama supporters!

October 30 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 08:34:00 -0600

1. Did I get a hole in one? 2. These DJ's are edgy...29 million dollars edgy 3.It's raining men!

October 29 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 08:26:08 -0600

1. Hey I have a gambling problem! 2. Damn yorkies gave me away! 3. Fo Shizzle grannies in the house!!

October 28 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 08:29:42 -0600

1. Investing in Utah ain't cheap. 2. Its Halloween art 3.That's not Zac Efron

October 27 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 08:21:10 -0600

1. Bag o' Cheap Tacos 2. Hey, free venison 3.I've got a tampon and I'm not afraid to use it.

October 24 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 09:10:25 -0600

1. Ok, lets draw and quarter Sean Hannity 2. Here in Utah values count. Always have, always will 3. What's next? Spank-A-little brat day?

October 23 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 09:22:24 -0600

1. Hell, I think liquour was a factor here. 2. Crikey! Car? I got not stinkin car. 3. It's rent for the spaceman

October 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 09:21:00 -0600

1. John Murtha knows racists. 2. John McCain isnt sure who is racist 3. Sarah Palin is not smarter than a third grader

October 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 08:41:27 -0600

1.Hey you, shrimp pants! 2.More Stupid conservative ass - hattery 3.Loaded for bear

October 20 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:31:52 -0600

1. Joe the Plumber is Joe the Idiot. 2. Hey, I'm engaged to that Sucker. 3. Hey when you get s second, check that corpse, will ya?

October 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 09:08:10 -0600

1. Tony Ray, what do you and Kathy got cooking? 2. Anybody wanna mention the 300 pound gorilla in the room? 3. It was just food to me.

October 16 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 10:19:49 -0600

1. Choo, choo, NO! 2. Wham, Bam, thank you ma'am 3. Andrew Coumo says the Party's over!

October 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 09:55:39 -0600

1. Yeah, the Klan is innocuous. 2. Suicide bomb guy, come on down! 3. Stealin from babies.

October 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 07:18:20 -0600

1. Ohh noo those naughty kittens 2. Rape Shmape! look how happy she is. 3. I've got to vote, NOW

October 13 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:39:13 -0600

1. Oh NO! A ballot boo boo. 2.You are creepy 3. I flaunt what the good lord gave me.

October 10 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 08:15:28 -0600

1.I'll show you naked, you little two-timer. 2. Now's my chance. 3. Magic Johnson, big faker.

October 9 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 8 Oct 2008 08:51:12 -0600

1.I was givin em a thrill. 2. Hey, thanks for the bailout. 3. Damn dog ate my watermelon.

October 6 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 6 Oct 2008 08:03:18 -0600

1. White-out can erase anything! 2. I know! A hole in my arm will turn her on. 3. I'll pull over when I'm finished with my crack.

October 3 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 3 Oct 2008 09:28:38 -0600

1. What I did was offensive? 2. Not our beloved guana. 3. A nation of babies.

October 2 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 2 Oct 2008 08:50:26 -0600

1. Moral Values tyranny 2.My love for you is a burning thang. 3 It's a dump aint it?

October 1 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 1 Oct 2008 08:44:25 -0600

1. Mccain and the blame game. 2. Camels and elephants, their both socialists. 3. Bossy peed on my porch.

September 30 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 07:29:58 -0600

1. Them cats are just asleep. 2. Hand over the stick Gramps. 3. I needed that foot for training purposes.

September 29 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:29:01 -0600

1. Now Sophia ain't gonna get new boobs. 2. When he is off duty, he likes to look pretty. 3. If you can't join them beat them.

September 26 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 09:09:37 -0600

1. Racist? You decide. 2. I fart in your general direction. 3. Now that's a circumcision!

September 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 09:47:47 -0600

1. Oh man, Oh Jeez. 2.They need something to wash down their deep fried Twinkies! 3. Thanks Jon Stewart, nice boner!

September 24 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 07:33:16 -0600

1. Give back whatever he stole from you. 2. Ben and Jerry's new flavor. Ooo la la Leche 3. How else are you going to get em to mind.

September 23 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 08:36:55 -0600

1. He's got the 'betes, BEAT HIM! 2. My dad is a problem solver 3. Hey there's protein in that stuff.

September 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:22:49 -0600

1. Hey coach, is that your porn? 2. Here's your retainer, counselor 3. The getaway car is a scooter

September 19 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 08:52:06 -0600

1. Hot Pockets, They're Delicious. 2. We Hear You Have a New Puppy. 3. 'Ya Know, Fake Blood Isn't Really Funny...

September 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 10:14:02 -0600

1. Crikey! You don't like that, How about a kick in the arse? 2.When the Aggies lose at football, the terrorists win. 3. When you have a job, the terrorists win.

September 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 08:34:42 -0600

1. Cuff him, that's my boy!!! I'll eventually get my boyfriend. Yep its a boner.

September 16 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 08:32:52 -0600

1.You gotta watch these people. 2.Throw a shrimp on the chin. 3.Hey, it's my life.

September 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 08:09:55 -0600

1. Note to self, Next time use getaway car. 2. You'll arrest me over my dead body. 3. Give me an M, Give me an O, Give me another M.

September 12 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0600

1. Up chuck, UP! 2. You try to drive with beer all over the car. 3. Feel the poop!!

September 11 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 08:30:04 -0600

1.Drill here, drill now! 2.I am not gay, ive never been gay. 3.I've been rapes, how much is my bill?

September 10 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 08:27:26 -0600

1.I had a long night ahead of me. 2.You ain't going to turn my boy gay. 3.Poop Disputes.

September 9 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 9 Sep 2008 08:38:34 -0600

1. It's Mr. Z 2.Put a beanie on it baldie 3. You cannot call no one.

September 8 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 8 Sep 2008 08:31:10 -0600

1.Im gonna tell Mr. Drummond. 2.I am Amy, I am a Boner. 3.A dangerous sausage wacking

September 5 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 5 Sep 2008 08:39:35 -0600

1. Top notch Tokyo detectives. 2. I need my hat!! 3. It was good Christian pee..

September 4 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 4 Sep 2008 10:24:21 -0600

1.Off the air again. 2.John huntsman Jr., one of us, one of us! 3.Lawyer

September 3 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 3 Sep 2008 08:48:36 -0600

1. Parts is parts!! 2. She wasn't going to use it!! 3. Rush is our God!!

September 2 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 2 Sep 2008 08:23:35 -0600

1. Students for McCain should teach the campaign spelling and punctuation. 2. I'll go to jail before I let the kids see that! 3. She has plenty of foreign policy experience.

August 29 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:11:11 -0600

1. John Mccain on healthcare. 2. I need the sex!! 3. Those ain't my pants!!

August 28 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 08:49:29 -0600

1. It's their inner beauty I'm interested in 2. You choked my hitman 3. We don't have a cleaning deposit

August 27 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 09:43:23 -0600

1. How you gonna make bail. 2. I needed some for coffee. 3. A radio finally goes right.

August 26 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 10:23:14 -0600

1.Osama bin Laden is probably gonna grill the weinies. 2.t-ball nution. 3.Ah hell, I didn't mean nothing by it.

August 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 08:23:43 -0600

1. Hold it down ya bratsya! 2. Don't you know who I am. 3. Don't underestimate the library cops!

August 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 09:24:38 -0600

1. Well you can't live in all of them at once. 2. I thought I was in a video game. 3. Get em boy, get em boy.

August 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 10:04:06 -0600

1. Stay away from the other kids you gay! 2. My fanny pack makes my shirt ride up. 3 Honey hold on to mommy's balloons.

August 20 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:48:23 -0600

1. Phelps, Shmelps, What about me!! 2. Indians don't deserve a fair trial either. 3. We've got bigfoot! Really.

August 19 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 08:51:33 -0600

1.You marry me, or I'll kill the crap out of you. 2.Oh c'mon, she was already dead.

August 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 08:40:22 -0600

1. I thought he was asleep. 2. Momma needs her drink. 3. Jesus would vote for me.

August 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 08:51:05 -0600

1. You know what I wish? I wish all y'all was gay!! 2. When we're in Walmart you watch your mouth. 3. Now that's a rebuttal.

August 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:59:00 -0600

1.I got your vitals and you're going to die or you owe me some weed. 2.Here honey, here's your weed. 3.Oh dear, where's my car.

August 13 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 08:56:09 -0600

1.Well looky who dropped in. 2.Washy, washy, rub, rub, rub. 3. Im drunk, you know how i am when i'm drunk.

August 12 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 08:31:15 -0600

1. I'll marry you but you better keep your distance 2. I'm the Porn Inspector 3. So? We have several others...

August 11 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 09:59:59 -0600

1.Get that bike out of my grill! 2.Bernie Mac is fine, no he isn't, yes he is, no he isn't. 3.Let each other have it with the char-broiler.

August 8 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 8 Aug 2008 08:44:23 -0600

1. PETA This time you've gone too far. 2. Grandma I don't want to ride up. 3. I don't care if you are the mayor we are killing your dogs anyway.

August 7 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 7 Aug 2008 09:50:58 -0600

1. I like it the way, I like it. 2. I am so lost. 3. I will kill you all.

August 6 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 6 Aug 2008 08:46:08 -0600

1.It was an important Message. 2.Im dying for a salad. 3 Slavery! It works.

August 5 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 5 Aug 2008 09:25:03 -0600

1. Your Ashes are too fat. 2. Can't you just change your name to Lip Poops. 3. I'm the underwear Inspector.

August 4 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 4 Aug 2008 09:23:09 -0600

1. Credit Card monster 2. Mumbo jumbo on your own time 3. Theres no question I stink.

July 30 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 08:31:24 -0600

1. I gotta jet man 2. Cow dragger 3. no WTF? WTF?

July 29 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 09:38:48 -0600

1. Gott in Hemmel the Frauline was down for some stripping 2. What you got there is black man's disease 3. Don't tase me bro

July 28 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 09:25:58 -0600

1. It's for good luck 2. She likes riding up there 3. I am not gay, I have never been gay

July 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 09:02:21 -0600

1. I'm late for an alcoholics anonymous meeting 2. Robert Novak, the hit and run douchebag of journalism 3. Keep that retard in the house

July 23 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 11:07:35 -0600

1. Pardon me do you have any Grey Poupon? 2. I needed to steal a place to sleep 3. Ok you got me I'm drunk and I'm stupid.

July 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:17:16 -0600

1. Autistic Brats! 2. I deserve coffee! 3. Crotchfire!

July 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:08:04 -0600

1. He studies down there 'cause it's quiet 2. If these are carrots sticks then where's my pot? 3. I'm just a dumbass partier.

July 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:38:22 -0600

1. You want cheaper gas? Get Rid of Nancy Pelosi. 2. The Mayor Stole our Dog. 3. Hey Gramps! You wanna Party?

July 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:16:34 -0600

1. Off the bike, give me the beer! 2. The world's greatest dad. 3. Open the lid, that is not grandma!

July 16 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:54:16 -0600

1. Phil "Family Values" Graham 2. Stop Thief! Stop Dad? 3. Meet Petey Pee Cup

July 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 08:59:30 -0600

1. I hate you mices to pieces. 2. Oh, she NEEDED a spanking. 3. Whacked by the commode.

July 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:29:14 -0600

1. There is a rat in my kitchen, what am I gonna do? 2. Fox News, fair and balanced. 3. Hey copper have a cookie!

July 3 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 3 Jul 2008 08:46:52 -0600

1. That is my chifferobe! 2. Look at me I'm walking on water. 3. Whats a girl gotta do to get a beer around here?

July 2 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 2 Jul 2008 10:28:08 -0600

1. Ah their deaf and blind they can't see or hear what we do anyway 2. They don't pay me enough to care 3. OoOo big tough gang banger

July 1 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 1 Jul 2008 10:05:07 -0600

1. We're gonna charge you with RUI 2. That drill with my name on it is not mine 3. shoving grandpa off the dock.

June 30 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:41:10 -0600

1. Well how did that get there? 2. I can't let you go. 3. The unkindest cut of all.

June 27 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 09:00:17 -0600

1. WTF! 2. Did you say cube steak or pube steak. 3. Have you seen my kids

June 26 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:54:59 -0600

1. Well if she dies we may not have to pay 2 The whores on the bus go up and down 3. White talker

June 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 08:35:04 -0600

1. It was just there...by my toe 2. Well you graduated on or about May 20th 3. Ehhh..I need a drink

June 24 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 09:08:29 -0600

1. Got a handful of you 2. She was coming on to me 3. A timelier terror attack could be good

June 23 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 09:33:36 -0600

1. The good shepard is really a wolf. 2. I was trying to get the dang ole frogs 3. This gigantic brassiere was your mothers.

June 20 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:47:50 -0600

1. I had to get to the parole office. 2. What a wanker 3. Stick a pin in it.

June 19 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 09:40:17 -0600

1. I was checkin her trunk for guns 2. Oooh, I want a picture of the carnage 3. We was just trying to help the boss

June 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 09:36:18 -0600

1. If your good enough for the Y your good enough for me 2. The lemonade thief 3. I wanna get a picture of this

June 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:17:10 -0600

1. George Bush is a white guy 2. My boring job puts me right to sleep 3I got a diaper full of heroin.

June 16 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 08:47:25 -0600

1. The junkie on the bus goes sniff sniff sniff 2. I'm C-Thug, No I'm C-Thug 3.It's an air filter that may or may not have a camera in it

June 13 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:13:34 -0600

1. No really, here comes da judge. 2. Shut up with all that graduation stuff! 3. All your friends are dead...

June 12 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:01:10 -0600

1. You're on the Sauce aren't you? 2. You want offensive? I'll give you offensive. 3. Hit him again! Hit him again!

June 11 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 09:53:17 -0600

1.I'm fine the doc pulled it out 2. Their Islam get 'em 3.Sunscreen eh?

June 10 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:35:30 -0600

1. I dropped a dime down there! 2. The kid started it. 3. It's granny's B-Day, have a drink

June 09 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 9 Jun 2008 09:09:19 -0600

1.We at Westlake High am smart 2. Dick Dickinson and his secret porn collection 3. We're going to sell this gas when the prices get really high

June 06 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 6 Jun 2008 08:45:25 -0600

1. I am the God of Hellfire 2. Hit'em again. Hit'em again. 3. Looky what I dont to your dog!

June 05 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 5 Jun 2008 09:54:15 -0600

1. You can't fight fires on an empty stomach. 2. I'm ex-military! I can handle a gun. 3. Moon river of Blood

June 04 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 4 Jun 2008 09:45:54 -0600

1. Transformers are dangerous 2. I am composting 3. Hey, we want our bracelets back, so hurry up in your.....

June 03 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 4 Jun 2008 09:49:09 -0600

1. Maybe this karma for your new film Sharon 2. I'm a plagarising douchebag 3. I want candy, bubble gum and taffy.

June 02 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 2 Jun 2008 10:21:04 -0600

1. What happened to my food? 2. Oh, I bound them with tape in a fun way. 3. A spirited game of ring around the weenie.

May 29 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 29 May 2008 09:23:46 -0600

1. Well that is one less leg I'll have to tan. 2. Hey goofy kid you are out of the class! 3. Rachel Ray and the murderous Palestinian jihad.

May 28 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 28 May 2008 09:27:53 -0600

1. I've got a flashlight on my head. 2 Well maybe somebody will kill Osama...Obama. 3. We don't need your Godless money.

May 27 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 27 May 2008 09:38:31 -0600

1. C'mere ya little punk. 2. I am misunderstood and angry 3.I'll tell you momma ain't nobody you wanna see walking around naked.

May 23 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 23 May 2008 11:12:31 -0600

1. The leaky levees 2. You're a danger to the administration 3. We just don't like the pretty girls up here, eh.

May 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 22 May 2008 09:06:59 -0600

1. you try getting a cab in this city (x15) 2. Attempted murder by food. 3. Let's bury Patty in the sand.

May 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 21 May 2008 10:58:08 -0600

1. I'm sure to win, I have a lucky feather! 2. Party at the governors house! 3. Where is that drunk girl?

May 20 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 20 May 2008 09:42:56 -0600

1. Bountiful and the Big O 2. Making friends wherever we go. 3 And she was watching Dr. Who the whole time!

May 19 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 19 May 2008 09:01:53 -0600

1.Did ya hear the one about Barack Obama 2. Don't taze me bro, dont taze ME bro 3. Waaaaak Toooey

May 16 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 16 May 2008 11:08:23 -0600

1.Well, I didn't think he'd drink it! 2.You go in there and unplug it 3. That Darth Sith game me a headache.

May 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:20:14 -0600

1. I'm no racist, he's a cute little monkey! 2. You try doing this job sober. 3. Whaaa Happened?

May 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 14 May 2008 10:43:33 -0600

1. We all have to make sacrifices. 2. He was having a nici-fit. 3. Some itches are hard to scratch.

May 13 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 13 May 2008 10:24:29 -0600

1. Stay in the can! 2. Jesus will bring her back. 3. I'll burn the Lord into you.

May 12 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 12 May 2008 08:38:01 -0600

1.Cuddle parties 2. Cremains is cremains 3. Dude! Gnarley bong

May 9 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 9 May 2008 11:22:28 -0600

1.He ripped my leg off! 2.I sincerely apologize 3.I'm high on jury duty

May 8 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 8 May 2008 10:04:09 -0600

1.I'm not that Criminal 2.I'm getting close to nature 3. Who ya gonna believe, me or that brown kid?

May 7 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 7 May 2008 11:29:00 -0600

1. burn the wizard. 2. oh poor miss myrtle the turtle. 3. This wine has a nice clean finish.

May 6 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 6 May 2008 10:50:39 -0600

1. Shove it Copper. 2. you play video games, you get focused on them. 3. What that what fell from your underwear?

May 5 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 5 May 2008 10:24:41 -0600

1. My ears are still ringing. 2. I want pink triangles for the gay ones to wear. 3. I will too shoot her.

May 2 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 2 May 2008 09:59:28 -0600

1. I led them on a merry chase. 2. Oh witters, witters, witters. 3. The kids are sick, sick, sick I tell you.

May 1 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 1 May 2008 12:12:53 -0600

1. Starting a record company isn't cheap. 2. You're lesbians, live with it! 3. I enjoy driving. I'm good at it.

April 30 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:07:29 -0600

1. Your invitation embare-ass me. 2. Will ya watch my baby? 3. We couldn't afford an amusement park.

April 29 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 11:28:59 -0600

1. Well, she's a bright girl. 2. I'm still hungry. 3. Oh, who wants those?

April 28 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:57:36 -0600

1. Hey, this is art! 2. She almost shanked me and everything. 3. Hmm...how did THAT get there?

April 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:40:24 -0600

1. Oh My God! The Lighthouse Strip club in Ogden is still open? 2. Give me your sperm! 3. The tale of the tape.

April 24 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 09:11:36 -0600

1. Give me back my Meth. 2. The Fuhrer likes to party. 3. Don't you know who I am?

April 23 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 11:19:37 -0600

1. Osama Obama. 2. Weiner Snatchers. 3. Go get momma's gun.

April 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:35:56 -0600

1. Whacha gonna do with those gators? 2. Illiterate Peasants! 3. You son of a... ohhh! That's not good.

April 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:12:29 -0600

1. I want my gator back. 2. They're my prisoners. 3. Good Christian men, good Christian school.

April 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:49:31 -0600

1. I did not sleep so good. 2. Well ya know I needed a little booster. 3. Back to the war, cripple!

April 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 11:22:57 -0600

1. My husband's HOT! 2. Bitty Nation 3. Lando! NO!!!

April 16 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 08:56:08 -0600

1. I feel pretty. 2. Some Pot for Every Chicken. 3. Your nations thanks you for your sacrifice.

April 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:17:28 -0600

1. Borrowed Pee. 2. The 7-11 Stink Bomb. 3. Hit the dirt!

April 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:17:40 -0600

1. Just punishment or pure torture? you decide. 2. The Klan is funny. 3. Go fight steal! Go fight steal!

April 11 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 09:39:10 -0600

1. The Naked Tickler. 2. Mama's gotta have her Charleston .Chew. 3. I'm wearing a skirt, I have a condition.

April 10 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:23:21 -0600

1. I have a bank to rob, step on it. 2. You try doing this job sober. 3. Chainsaw guy goes berserk.

April 9 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 9 Apr 2008 10:58:00 -0600

1. Gimme a job, I have a knife. 2. Take my muffin will ya!? 3. Condom? I'm fine eh.

April 8 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 8 Apr 2008 10:56:44 -0600

1. When elderly Canadian women are allowed cross the border freely, the terrorists win. 2. Took my money, didn't get my blues. 3. Honey, blow into this for mommy

April 7 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 7 Apr 2008 11:06:04 -0600

1. I kept this bracelet safe for you little man. 2. I wasn't sure she got my message. 3. We buy prosthetics at casinos and the sharper image.

April 4 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 4 Apr 2008 11:09:26 -0600

1. I've been injured by a bra. 2. Feeling up the bereaved. 3. I love you Mickey. I love you Mallory.

April 3 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 3 Apr 2008 10:17:31 -0600

1. Hey, that stiff is breathing. 2. Thems my kids pets. 3. Judge Serve-ass really is.

April 2 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 2 Apr 2008 11:00:00 -0600

1. Get your sweaty butt out of the gym. 2. The lord told me to put it on red. 3. I call this dance step the Pee move.

April 1 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 1 Apr 2008 10:16:34 -0600

1. Well, that's the Bush Administration. 2. She told me she's thirteen. 3. Beat 'em, beat 'em good!

March 31 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 11:24:38 -0600

1. Garbage in, garbage out. 2. Honey, do you know where I stashed the weed? 3. Hand 'em over gimp!

March 28 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 11:09:22 -0600

1. My girlfriend spent two years in the bathroom. You want some of this? 2. Baby for sale. 3. When nipple rings are outlawed, only outlaws will wear nipple rings.

March 27 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:07:54 -0600

1. You can call me when it's time to rob you. 2. A premature shot. 3. Bayou Bob's Ancient Asian Elixir.

March 26 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 10:59:20 -0600

1. Wet Backs. 2. Where'd our missile parts go? 3. I wanted to drill a hole with my gun.

March 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:49:00 -0600

1. Outted by Sinbad. 2. Whhhaaaa happened? 3. Sieg Heil Hannity.

March 24 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:17:07 -0600

1. Tour de Evil 2. Well it falls apart if you fish it out 3. Martin Boner Richardson

March 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 10:17:29 -0600

1. I'm gonna rip off your leg and beat ya with it. 2. I meant judge you should get that jerk off the stand. 3. I guess its still okay to pay baristas nothing.

March 20 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:50:49 -0600

1. Shaking down the Snappy Dog. 2. We only discriminate against foreigners. 3. Well, her name was Hillary.

March 19 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:58:52 -0600

1. Here come da judge. 2. Well you told me to pee in the lunchbox. 3. I need the gas to burn stuff.

March 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 11:04:26 -0600

1. Don't ask, don't tell. 2. Four wheelin' to the loony bin. 3. I could hear my leg snapping.

March 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 11:33:15 -0600

1. Up up and away in my beautiful beautiful balloon. 2. We saved his hand in a red solo cup. 3. Do you expect us to condone sluffing?

March 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 10:10:59 -0600

1. How did you guys find me? 2. She went out for some condoms & never came back. 3. It's the boot for you.

March 13 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 10:59:09 -0600

1. Hey kid, ya wanna buy some skittles? 2. They threw away the key. 3. I ain't comin' out!

March 12 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 10:07:25 -0600

1. She was on her way home to make coconut cream pies. 2. Deer Pee is funny. 3. The better you treat me, the more I lose.

March 11 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 09:12:00 -0600

1. Client number 9. 2. No gator's gonna get the best of me. 3. how do you like your haircut now?

March 10 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 08:33:50 -0600

1. Send me to Washington, watch my Commiracle. 2. I ain't paying for this stinking ride. 3. I don't think this is one of the discussions.

March 7 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 7 Mar 2008 10:09:57 -0700

1. I came to get my kids. 2. She had bugs on her grill. 3. Hawk Killer!

March 6 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 6 Mar 2008 11:05:12 -0700

1. Now you're cooking with gas. 2. Give me some of that nummy sausage. 3. Looky in the lou.

March 5 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 5 Mar 2008 11:39:09 -0700

1. I've had second thoughts. 2. Oh come on, it's only Norway. 3. Up pup, pup is up.

March 4 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 4 Mar 2008 11:39:24 -0700

1. These robbers were as dumb as bricks. 2. You kids and your damn pennies. 3. Bang bang stick 'em up.

March 3 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 3 Mar 2008 11:57:13 -0700

1. Please arrest me and my victim. 2. Stupid Little Kids. 3. I don't wanna go to work.

February 29 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 11:21:42 -0700

1. Water boarding as office motivation. 2. What's this in my steak? 3. Freakin' Chicken.

February 28 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 11:37:43 -0700

1. You ain't getting rid of me that easy. 2. Boys and girls, we're going to pat you all down. 3. *Spit sound*

February 27 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 11:18:04 -0700

1. I thought you said this was like Vegas? 2. A party with the Slogger 3. I was just trying to melt the snow.

February 26 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 11:30:35 -0700

1. Beautiful temple clothes. 2. Shock the mother. 3. Wanna go to work with daddy?

February 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 10:21:34 -0700

1. Let the violent keep their guns. 2. Elmo wants to kill James. 3. Death by Fairy Cake.

February 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 11:05:17 -0700

1. Give me back my drug money. 2. Not on my land. 3. I just wanted a bag of weed.

February 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 11:04:48 -0700

1. Lying environmentalist scum. 2. Toga Toga! 3. Shock the cow.

February 19 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 11:53:52 -0700

1. Another reason for Gina to sell me her iPod. 2. I was going home to practice. 3. A conflict of interest.

February 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 10:17:09 -0700

1. Jane Fonda and the "C" word. 2. Charges against me, what? 3. Sex on the air conditioner.

February 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 10:38:04 -0700

1. It was quite a deposit. 2. You'll stay right where you are young man. 3. 911, Hold please.

February 13 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 11:06:28 -0700

1. Lemme take another stab at it. 2. Outta the chair. 3. Butters!

February 12 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 11:27:39 -0700

1. I just wanted to make sure them girls were getting clean. 2. I'll buy if you fly. 3. Chicago: home of the world's stupidest voters.

February 11 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 11:49:26 -0700

1. I feel pretty! 2. Gimme a smoke 3. Butters!

February 7 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 7 Feb 2008 13:11:51 -0700

1. I’m protectin’ the baby 2. Oh, Sadie girl 3. A wild night at the Food King

February 6 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 6 Feb 2008 11:51:37 -0700

1. I’m a cop, no I’m a cop 2. Wait, that’s not a baton 3. No rapping in front of the kids

February 5 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 5 Feb 2008 11:51:37 -0700

1. The Newspaper stand was a clue 2. Cookies made me sleepy 3. Those aren’t French fries, they’re missles

February 4 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 4 Feb 2008 11:40:58 -0700

1. Boortz is nothing but a buttcheek 2. We sell beds, we don't read 3. I call it The Weed List

January 29 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 12:03:30 -0700

1. Your broken battered body damaged my car 2. We charge extra to do shoddy work 3. The savage Weiner

January 28 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:46:58 -0700

1. Clean Flix 2. I need a hitman 3. The kid was acting up

January 25 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 11:49:51 -0700

1. Move the wheelchair, I’m a legislator! 2. Finding the light side of Heath Ledger’s death. 3. You want some more? I’ll give you some more.

January 24 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:12:14 -0700

1.Text messaging your way to jail 2.The clumsy suicide bomber 3.We only want real aliens here

January 23 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 11:22:12 -0700

1.No one treats Ringo Starr that way 2.You shot me in the bungaroo 3.The awful reverend Fred Phelps

January 22 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 11:16:31 -0700

1.A cigarette in Hell 2.Well it’s not a Christian track outfit 3.Well that might offend the Utah State Senate

January 21 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 11:16:31 -0700

1.If you don’t pay your phone bill, the terrorists win 2.Dad’s too drink to drunk to drive 3.God my nut

January 18 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 16:17:51 -0700

1. We Want Our Chicken 2. How Dare you Defame the DEA. 3. Bottoms Up!

January 17 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 13:12:36 -0700

1. I don’t want the rectal exam 2. I told you we are Packers fans 3.Modest is hottest.

January 16 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:12:36 -0700

1. Get them nuts off them trucks! 2. I told you I want fries with that 3. Ah sweet, sweet theocracy

January 15 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 14:08:50 -0700

1. This swill has a screw top 2. If you buy a Ford, they still own it. 3. Spring floods bring occupancy

January 14 2008 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 14:08:50 -0700

1. Keep your coat on and wait here for me 2. There's a what under my what? 3. The Ripper

December 17 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 14:08:50 -0700

1. At Cyprus Credit Union, we'll remember your face. 2. Poachers are stupid,stupid,stupid people. 3. Fill 'er up!

December 14 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 11:37:54 -0700

1. The boner candidate that everybody wanted. 2. The Man with the Magic Leg. Death threat karaoke.

December 13 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 11:37:54 -0700

1. Radio scum strikes again! 2. License and registration, sucker. 3. I told ya, no free health care for kids.

December 12 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 16:42:58 -0700

1. Your genitals are valuable. 2. It's National Pancake Day, dammit! 3. I don't care where you are! You watch your mouth!

December 10 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:07:51 -0700

1. Sports! It brings people together! 2. I’m gonna kill you with my D cup! 3. Have rubles. Need green card.

December 4 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 4 Dec 2007 15:07:51 -0700

1. Quick, Quick, hide in here! 2. Hmm...something's different about you. 3. Montel gets it on.

November 30 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:07:51 -0700

1. I am so lucky...NOT! 2. Your good deeds will not cut it here. 3. I don't want to miss church with mom.

November 29 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 15:07:51 -0700

1. 29 years as an anchor and all I got was the lousy Jazz Bear. 2. Miss Puerto Rico's pageant nightmare. 3. I'll teach you to steal my bait!

November 27 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 13:00:57 -0700

1. Stealing from the country that's given so much to you. 2. Mind the Gap. 3. It's the war on peace.

November 26 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 13:00:57 -0700

1. Turkey fight in Chicago! 2. All chickens look alike. 3. That coyote was mooin' at me!

November 21 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 13:00:57 -0700

1. Anybody seen my credit card? 2. I am so sorry about that mugging. 3. Hurts, don't it.

November 20 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 15:01:31 -0700

1. It has the word...well, I can't say it...in the title. 2. She could have blinded me with SCIENCE! 3. More killing for science.

November 16 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 15:01:31 -0700

1. I am not tall enough to solicit gay sex. 2.it was a gift. 3.Our good friends the Saudi's

November 15 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 11:58:31 -0700

1. My fiance and I are registered at PETCO. 2. I shoot them to save them. 3. Officer down! Officer down!...And its me.

November 14 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 22:23:44 -0700

1. I was being silly. 2. Let me in honey, meow..meow.. 3. And now for the skinning demonstration...oh wait, that sumbitch is still alive.

November 13 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 11:28:43 -0700

1. I needed to use the phone someplace quiet. 2. Your liberal media at work. 3. The lugnut and the wingnut.

November 12 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 11:54:11 -0700

1. Well, we've changed the definition of torture, now we're going to change the definition of privacy. 2. Well, the stash ain't mine. 3. STD....EWW!

November 9 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 9 Nov 2007 12:11:50 -0700

1. The final solution for animal overpopulation. 2. It was a booking error, plain & simple. 3. A grandkid is a grandkid.

November 6 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 12:51:04 -0700

1. Sports builds character. 2. It's an "I hate myself" crime. 3. Schtielen from der Kinders Schweinenbanken.

November 5 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 5 Nov 2007 13:03:10 -0700

1. Do a little dance! Do a little drill! Get down tonight! Get down tonight! 2. Look, teacher, I brought oregano! 3. I was burning my pants.

November 2 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Sat, 3 Nov 2007 01:02:00 -0600

1.Well, I'm really in a pickle this time. 2. Let's see how good this insurance really is. 3. Hurts, doesn't it?

November 1 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 1 Nov 2007 11:51:34 -0600

1. I say burn 'em or throw 'em away. 2. When it comes to African Americans, where you at, Dog? 3. It a good thing you smiled, I might not have seen you.

October 29 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:33:06 -0600

1. Fatty, fatty 2X4...couldn't get through the ceiling of the interview room. 2. I'd be happy to take some questions from the press. 3. America the beautiful..is in Canada.

October 26 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 12:33:06 -0600

1. If you were married to Maryann Mougly you would be a drunk too. 2. Hide the liquor. 3. Water, who needs that?

October 23 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 12:33:06 -0600

1. Find a tattooist you can trust. 2. I know karate. 3. Just get me to New York.

October 22 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 14:46:25 -0600

1-It really was a shake down 2-Save second base 3-Floor polish ruined my life

October 17 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 11:49:51 -0600

1. Land of the free, home of the brave. 2. The master race strikes again. 3. Oh, were you under there?

October 16 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 11:49:51 -0600

1. I'm a dentist dammit, I know how to dent. 2. Coke, Pepsi, Coke, Pepsi... 3. Yeah, sure she's cute, but she is dangerous.

October 15 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 11:49:51 -0600

1. "It was just a Halloween demonstration." 2. "I know how you can get a free Subway sandwich." 3. "Could this be the final nail in Ann's coffin."

September 27 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 11:49:51 -0600

1. Hey, let's go bum shootin'! 2. Sports builds character. 3. I'm Hannibal the Cannibal.

September 26 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:55:23 -0600

1. Bill O'Reilly just found this out: Black people be just like White people. 2. Who doesn't want some smoked leg? 3. You dink!

September 25 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:05:34 -0600

1.Richards, Kane and Allen. Mormon attorneys at law. 2. Right! And there are no mexicans in mexico. 3. Turn your clocks forward. No backward. Oh Damn throw them out.

September 24 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 11:38:05 -0600

1. Who wouldn't want a piece of Jimmy Woods? 2. Wait a minute...That's not a sausage! 3. Why do you think they call it "dope"?

September 21 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 13:05:09 -0600

1. I could be a po-leece. 2. You're makin' the car tippy. 3. Poor Ozzy the Pom.

September 20 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 11:21:42 -0600

1. Hey, where's my coke? 2. Baby, I love you! 3. Let's go four-wheelin'! Whoo!

September 18 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 11:27:41 -0600

1. I love you virtually. 2. Never try to squeeze a flamingo through a turnstile. 3. Take a break, buddy.

September 17 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 11:27:41 -0600

1. If I only had a brain. 2. Y'know, if it goes bang, it's illegal. 3. So what? We gonna arrest ourselves?

September 14 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 11:27:41 -0600

1. How'd you find me? 2. Wanna buy some H? How 'bout some nightcrawlers? 3. Only one sausage for you!

September 13 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 10:27:21 -0600

. Sports builds character. 2. There's got to be an easier way. 3. Alright, hero, you're outta here.

September 12 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 10:27:21 -0600

1. What do you mean I can't have a BK Wailer for breakfast? 2. Well, we got rid of the roaches... 3. Stick 'em up.

September 11 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 13:56:43 -0600

1. We like to take LONG WALKS on the BEACH! 2. A-salt-ing an officer. 3. Dell Takes Off.

September 10 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 20:24:00 -0600

1. When we allow sluts to fly, the terrorists win. 2. May I see your I.D., ma'am? 3. War hero, comin' through!

September 7 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 7 Sep 2007 16:08:47 -0600

1. Sorry, I guess I got the wrong number. 2. Oh, is that a po-lice uniform? 3. He's only five!

September 6 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 6 Sep 2007 16:08:47 -0600

1. You've been a bad, bad boy. 2. Do what I say or Fluffy gets it. 3. We use a virgin for lost luggage.

September 5 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 5 Sep 2007 16:08:47 -0600

1. The Jerry Lewis SNAFU. 2. Don't you know who I am? 3. Free speech is great...within limits.

September 4 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 4 Sep 2007 14:14:01 -0600

1. The new word for Dick is Andy. He's a good driver. 3. Thank God for the pants-findin' dog!

August 31 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Sun, 2 Sep 2007 10:49:06 -0600

1. Whooooo! Looka me go! 2. Ohh, the Hu Ke Lau! 3. Truer words were never written: I am sorry.

August 30 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 20:02:05 -0600

1. News professionals at work. 2. News professionals at work - Russian Style! 3. Could you give me another hand, please?

August 29 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 21:43:27 -0600

1. You follow the dress code, young man! 2. We're a team! 3. I don't want all your money.

August 28 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 13:33:59 -0600

1. She was 3rd Runner-Up! 2. A message for Mr. Al Qaeda. 3. Look, I have a wide stance!

August 27 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 14:33:13 -0600

1. There he is! Get 'im! 2. I don't like these shoes. 3. I also don't know much about rowing.

August 24 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 18:53:36 -0600

1. I wasn't doin' anything, honest. (or) I wasn't doin' anything honest. 2. You look mahhvelous. 3. That's a spicy meatball.

August 23 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 12:56:13 -0600

1. C'mon, they're just animals. 2. Excuse me, officer, can I borrow your slim jim? 3. He might be a midget terrorist.

August 22 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 14:28:32 -0600

1. Get a load of the chiefs wife. 2. She's got a hammer! Yeah, but shes naked. 3. What would Jesus do?

August 21 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 13:45:49 -0600

1. Ve vere safing him for later. 2. So you're against school vouchers, eh? Homo! 3. My friends are up to no good.

August 20 2007 Boner of the Day

sbaxter@simmonsmedia.com — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 13:26:19 -0600

1. This could make home life a little tense. 2. C'mon, dude, can you hook me up? 3. Well, you're the doctor.