I'm a pretty clean guy. I shower, shave, and practice good hygiene. But we all have our gross little slip ups that we're ashamed of. So in an effort to make myself a better person, I'm going to shame myself in today's blog..
Here are 5 everyday things that I've done this week that are actually disgusting
1: My baby peed my pants. Many of you know that there is a new baby in my house. I'm a rare breed in Utah, 35 years old and I'm a first time Dad. While it's awesome, babies are also disgusting. One example? Earlier this week, I was letting little Scarlett sit on my lap to play after I got home from work. When I laid her down, there was a wet spot on my pants about the size of a tennis ball. Nothing I'd run out a classroom over, but there was pee on my pants. The thing that makes this story entertaining is that I didn't bother changing. I had pee on my pants the rest of the night. I'm really hoping I'm not the first Dad to do this. Otherwise I'm just a guy with pee pants. Hey! I'm working on the side as a wedding DJ now maybe that could be my DJ name! I'll be DJ Pee Pants!
THAT name is spoken for, sonny
2: I ate an OREO off the floor. People hear me talk about Oreo's on the radio and assume that I'm a paid spokesman. Well yeah, I am. BUT! When someone came to me and said "We need a guy who likes Oreos" I had junk punched the guy and took his Oreo sample packs before we could cover exactly how much I get paid to talk about it. Seriously, I have no idea. I just know that I do in fact LOVE Oreos. So as I'm walking back to my office this afternoon, I drop a Double Stuff Golden Oreo on the floor. It split in two, but the crème side was still up on the important half. I figure, it's a new building, and nobody seemed to be watching... So yeah. I ate a Floreo. Heh. If that name takes off, I am TOTALLY taking credit.
Analysis shows that gravity is essential to the new product.
3: I used a sock to wipe "spit up". Yeah most of the disgusting things in my life right now revolve around little Scarlett. She's 10 weeks old now and like most babies, she tends to "spit up". Which while normal, completely ruined me for cottage cheese. Eww. But last night while watching The Goldbergs she lurched, and the burp cloth was nowhere in sight! So I decided to MAN UP. Which in this case means I took off my sock and used that. I only used the ankle part of the sock and not the gross part that was on my foot. Which as I mentioned earlier probably tates like cookies. Even so, I'm pretty sure that disqualifies me for the "World’s Greatest Dad" mug
4: I shoved a half-eaten donut in my pocket. Yesterday I was brave enough to break the "no eating in the new studio rule" when I opened a Little Debbie Donut Stick. Those things are the sh*t. I got in ONE BITE when in walks eccentric billionaire, and new station owner Dell Loy "D-Money" Hansen. While I fear no man, he is the boss, and I'm on his turf, so I did what any brave man would do..
I took a huge bite, swallowed it whole, and shoved the rest in my pocket. Now I have donut pants.
5: I wore a T-shirt from the prize closet without washing it first. I know at first glance that doesn't sound so bad. But think about it. That shirt was made in some Taiwan sweat shop and shipped over to the US in what I'm sure is a very sanitary cargo ship. Then placed in a cardboard box and send to a printing company which for all I know was in the back of some dude's van. Only to have some band we've already forgotten about put their logo on it, and spends the next 9 years in our prize closet which I can assure you, is about as clean as a hourly rate motel outside of Las Vegas. But I was caught in the rain storm we had this week and was soaked! I had no choice! SO on goes a Snow Patrol T-shirt, and I spend the rest of the day hoping I don't get ringworm.
"Stay here! Free HBO and if you find a body uner the bed your stay is FREE!"
Hopefully next week will be a little more sanitary.