Primus is back together and bringing us more of that "is that funny?" style of wackiness! I know we've seen Les Claypool doing his side projects in recent years and I think there was even a Primus album or two that we all ignored in there somewhere. But THIS time it's the original lineup! The Primus we all know and love has not been in studio together since 1995. That's when I bought tales from the punch bowl at Fred Meyer in Taylorsville. Ok, my Mom bought it for me. :)
Then she and my Dad made this face while listening to it on the drive home.
It turns out that Les was a big fan of the 1970's version of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", (Who wasn't?) so Claypool, along Larry LaLonde, and Tim Alexander have announced plans to pay tribute to with an album called "Primus and the Chocolate Factory with the Fungi Ensemble." Claypool tells "Rolling Stone" he was obsessed with the film as a kid, explaining that for a few years in the early '70s "it was everything Wonka." "Primus and the Chocolate Factory" is due out October 21st. Primus also plans to keep with the "Willy Wonka" tradition by putting five golden tickets in random copies of the special chocolate-colored vinyl edition of the new record.
Photo courtesy of Primus
Drummer Tim Alexander is also currently recovering after suffering a heart attack and undergoing open-heart surgery earlier this month, but he's expected to be back to his usual self in time for Primus to bring the "Chocolate Factory" album on the road starting October 22nd.Right now it doesnt look like there are any plans to stop through Utah.
Word has been spreading about Duran Duran suing their fan club. I don't know what I'm more suprised about. The fact that Duran Duran still has a fan club, or how they still have time to sue their fan club. What with all the time they spend hanging out on Todd Nuke 'Em's iPod.
But yeah, Duran Duran has officially taken issue with their fan club, and are heading to court. Please, God. Let this one end up on Judge Joe Brown.
I ASK YOU FOR SO LITTLE
But Todd (and other fans) can rest easy. Duran Duran is reassuring their audience that their lawsuit isn't aimed at them. The band has posted a statement to their website saying they "value and respect their many fans around the world." The group explains that the lawsuit is to protect their rights against the company that had been hired to manage their fan club --- not the fans themselves. Duran Duran adds that they're no longer working with WorldWide Fan Club Inc, but has "brought their official fan community in-house." They add that they will "continue to make every effort to provide the highest level of service" to their followers. Which makes me ask the question:
What the HELL does a Duran Duran fan club do?
I mean, there were only so many Duran Duran songs, and the true fans already have them. How many times can you hear about Rio dancing in the sand before you move on to some Midnight Oil or Information Society.
Bet you didn't know that song was about a camel.
In an Ordinary World, this would be handled in a friendly manner. But This is Planet Earth, and they are Notorious for being Wild Boys. Perhaps it was a Reflex, but Duran Duran got Hungry Like The Wolf and filed a breach of contract suit against WorldWide in a Chicago area court last Friday. However, many headlines in the U.S. and Britain this week stated that the group was suing their "own fan club." Which is a Big Thing ...Girls On Film.. I could't figure out a way to work that one in, but I like that song.
A quick lesson in things that you can, and can't buy in America. For the most part, things you are, and are not allowed to buy in The U.S. are pretty self-explanatory, and even make good sense. I can't buy a kidney. Or a child. That much is pretty obvious. But what about the other things that don't make all that much sense? I have found a few items that I would LIKE to buy, but can't because somebody somewhere has deemed them too dangerous. So I made a list, and compared that to a list of things that are 1000x times MORE dangerous, yet I can buy no problem. Feel free to add your own ideas. CAN'T: LAWN DARTS! Or "Jarts"
Back in the 70's and 80's toys were made of an extremely durable material called "metal". This not only helped to make your toys last longer, but also made them a LOT more fun to throw at other kids. Somebody had the idea to take a sharpened hunk of metal, attached some fins to them, and sent those sumbitches airborne. What could go wrong?! It's not like kids are going to lob those bad boys like SCUDs into a neighbor’s yard or anything right? Well, actually yeah. That's exactly what we did. My cousins had a set, and for us they were more like "fence darts".
That fence was a commie, man. In the 80's we fought commies. And ninjas.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, there were over 6000 serious injuries reported and one confirmed death, of which 81% were under the age of 15. So yeah, let's not make those any more. Good call. But here’s the weird part. Not only are they illegal to sell. And illegal to bring into the country, but they are illegal to POSSESS. You can't even HAVE them. I'm guessing the founding fathers did not have the time to include "poorly thought out yard games" in their list of priorities, otherwise we would have that in the constitution. Which brings me to CAN: An AR-15!
First off, I swear the first person that tries to turn this blog into a gun debate is going to get a Lawn Dart to the junk. BUT, yes it IS a little odd that it's easier for me to get an AR-15 than a functioning set of Lawn Darts. But as the official X96 "Right Wing Gun Nut" I can attest to how easy it is to buy a firearm. I bought my AR online on a website called gunbroker.com, which is like eBay for guns. That's not a joke. There is an eBay for guns, and it's awesome!
That fence is in SERIOUS trouble.
And while it was perfectly safe, and I had to have it shipped to a local gun store so that all the background info could be done, it's still true that I bought a very sophisticated weapon on the internet from what most people by now are picturing as a cartoon villain. CAN'T: KINDER EGGS.
Kinder Eggs are neat. They're small chocolate eggs containing smaller plastic choking hazards masquerading as toys. I don't know of any child that is able to swallow an entire egg whole, but as a new dad I can promise you that kids will figure out how to put an entire cat in their mouth in the 5 seconds it takes you to realize that your cat is missing. The law keeping us safe from Kinder Egg terrorism actually pre-dates their invention by about 30 years, dating back to a time that according to HBO's Boardwalk Empire was full of sex and death. I don't have the law in front of me, but it sums up as "hey don't put stuff in our food".
Turns out most things involving "choking" were discouraged.. Get it?
I actually had no idea what these were until a saw a news story a couple of years ago about a guy threatened with $10,000 in fines and jail time for bringing a handful of Kinder Eggs into the US from Canada. So while it's perfectly legal for a guy who played "fence darts" as a kid to buy an AR-15 on the internet, it's OUT OF THE QUESTION to bring a Kinder Egg into the country. Which is funny because one of my favorite things to do WITH my AR-15 is shoot something called "Tannerite" CAN: Tannerite!
Tannerite is actually a brand name for an "exploding target". Basically fertilizer and aluminum that when mixed with a shot from a rifle makes a huge mess out of anything that happens to be near by. Never heard of it? Check out what it can do to a car. So yeah obviously there are some restrictions that come with this one, but for the most part, and especially here in Utah, it's legal to buy year round, and legal to make ka-blooey noises. You can literally go into a sporting goods store and buy a jar of this stuff for about what it would cost to eat some Taco Bell. You might even get the same results.
You’ll want to make some delicious brownies.
CAN’T: Advil Cold and Sinus.
Alright, so a bit of a stretch. Of course it’s not actually a CAN’T. But thanks to a little thing called meth it’s a serious pain in the ass to get. I have to give the cashier my drivers license, which means I have to take it out of the little window thing in my wallet. I hate doing that… You know what I can buy WITHOUT a drivers license?
Yeah man. The one tool that is almost as synonymous with murder and dismemberment as it is for its intended use. Think about it. Have you ever been chased out of a local haunted house with a box of Sudafed? No. BUT I can go into a Home Depot right now and pay 50 bucks cash for a chainsaw without so much as a “hello” before I’m out dismembering a clown that I have in the trunk of my car. I’m also pretty sure it’s against the law to have a clown in the trunk of your car. I’ll have to check into that.
We’ve been hearing for YEARS now “oh yeah, there’s a new Tool album coming”. Literally, YEARS. Which is almost long enough for me to have played “10,000 Days” from start to finish.
Wait, which one of these is about Prison Sex?
The members of Tool are now opening up and explain that some legal issues have added to the delay, and are mostly to blame for the gap between albums. Maynard and Co. tell the assholes at "Rolling Stone" that for the past seven years, they've been dealing with a series of lawsuits and countersuits. This hullabaloo started when a friend of guitar man Adam Jones wanted credit for artwork he claimed he gave the band. Tool's insurance company then sued the band "over technicalities" in the case, then Tool said “NUH UH” and responded with a countersuit.
Wait, did he call the people from Rolling Stone assholes?
This specific case is set to go to trial in January, but Jones says these legal issues have had an impact on the band members' relationships with each other, and adds that it's "hard to be creative when you have something awful nagging at you."
Still, Tool has found time to work on new material for the follow-up to the band's 2006 effort "10,000 Days." Drummer Danny Carey says they hope to have "something really solid" recorded by the end of the year, but he admits he said the same thing last year.
I suppose we'll wait and see!
What do you do if the radio station breaks?
Radio stations are one of those things that never stop running. We never close, and there is always someone working to keep this sumbitch on the air day and night. Which means at any given time there are about 50 things that could go wrong and knock us in to the dark. Our team of Ninjaneers or the DJ in the studio can fix most things fairly quickly. But every so often something gets messed up and you're neck deep in suck. Which I guess is why I'm often asked "What happens when the radio station breaks?"
Here at the X96, and pretty much every radio station in the country we have all of our music loaded on to a computer. It makes it much easier for the DJ's to find the music they want to play during their show, and it opens up a little bit of time during the day for me to fart around on the internet and look at cat videos and yojoe.com. (or write a blog). But computers suck, and at some point they all break. That's what happened yesterday at 10:14am. Our computer froze and Nuke Em and I were making this face for about 30 seconds.
The obvious solution would be to throw in a CD and reboot! Except we're moving into a new studio this weekend and all of our CD's were boxed up. Not to mention that we stopped using CD's about 12 years ago. The only CD's we HAD in the studio were either for an X-Sets weekend, or for the 90's At Noon, and those had been taken out about a week ago. Luckily the Lorde song we were playing was not cut short by the frozen compy, so we had about 40 seconds to figure out what to do. Nuke Em sprang into action and found one of the half dozen or so boxes containing our woefully outdated music collection and we started partying like it was 1999.
I don't get it...
I'm a little ashamed at how spoiled I've become with the computers. When I first started in radio we didn't even have a computer in the studio. Let alone have one for music. When we did finally put one in, my Program Director at the time, Biff Raff gave us very specific instructions NOT to use it. We didn’t listen of course. But now, we have 4. Only one of which actually controls the music, and it has no back up. Which meant for the next 90 minutes we were flying old school.
Look! We’re DJ’s!
Eventually the system came back, and all was well with the world. It was actually kinda fun, Hopefully the listeners enjoyed the Jon Smith and Todd Nuke ‘Em 90’s party machine while we were making a huge mess and trying not to panic.
This is why we can’t have nice things.
At the same time it was a little sad knowing that since the CD wont be coming with us to our new studio, I may very well have just played the last CD that X96 will have on the air. So for future reference, it was Smashing Pumpkins “Today”
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