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Utah Liquor Authority Now Thinking About Requiring Permits To Drink At Home Corey O'Brien |
05/30/2014 | Filed In: Satire | Beer | Joke. Wine | Liquor | Utah | Laws | Snowbird | Oktoberfest

Utah Liquor Authority Now Thinking About Requiring Permits To Drink At Home

In a bold move, after stating Snowbird's Oktoberfest celebration may not receive a permit to serve beer or wine, USLA or Utah State Liquor Authority representative, Mr. Behr Mehbrow, said the state may begin to looking into issuing permits for people who plan on having more than one person as a guest in their private residence while serving alcohol. Mr. Mehbrow said, "We aren't quite certain what state law defines as an event." He went on,"Utah has a fine tradition of confusion with these kinda [sic] things and it has served us, as a state, quite well in the past when you can't get served. I see no reason to not stay the course with our current proposals. If you are hosting friends or family at your residence for so much as a 'Mr. Belvedere' binge watching session on Netflix, in the state's eyes, you are hosting an event and should be held to the letter of the law."

Opponents of the measure argue privacy rights though their arguments weren't very comprehensible at the time this publication's inquiry, "Sup, Bro? Why do you have a notepad and pen out? Bro? Let's get blahhhhhh..." 

More sober opponents are worried that religious events such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Super Bowl Sunday, birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs, Bat Mitvazhs, Cinco De Mayo, Boxing Day, National Secretary Appreciation Day, your dad's birthday, Mother's Day and Thursday through Saturday nights may be affected. The Americans Served Citizen's Union spokesperson, Justin Aboutfiveoclocksomewhere, responded, "It is a serious problem when ordinary citizens can't celebrate in their own homes without the government stepping in. What's next? Photoshopping slacks and sleeves onto the Jazz Bear?"

Several national and local alcohol distributors, all asking to remain anonymous, provided the exact same statement: "That's some ol' bulls*@t!"

No doubt homeowners, renters, squatters and others who like to have wine tastings, whiskey pairings and a few brews with the homies while enjoying HBO on a Sunday night will take issue with the state's new alcohol policies. Many have even thought about turning their homes into private clubs and a surge in non-profit status applications have quadrupled in counties from Cache to Garfield.  Also, a petition is already making the rounds online, which can be found here.

Utah residents may have to take this issue up at the polls next election season.

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Todd Nuke 'Em's Top 5 Summer Books todd | Program Director
05/30/2014 | Filed In: Stephen King | John Steinbeck | Chuck Palahniuk | Harper Lee | Andrew Smith | Unstoppable Corn | Blogs of Wrath | Rated F

Todd Nuke 'Em's Top 5 Summer Books

There is nothing better than spending the summer sitting in the shade with a great novel in your hands. I read all the time, and I wanted to share some of my all-time favorites as we approach the summer. Perhaps one of these books will strike your fancy and you can disappear into a great story. Here are my top five summer books.

5. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

I somehow made it through high school and college without having to read this, but when I picked it up on my own, I was hooked. This book follows the struggles of the Joad family as they journey across the country seeking a better life in California during depression-era America. If you think you have it rough, this book will definitely sober you up. Steinbeck is one of our finest writers, and this is a book you’ll want to read more than once.

4. It by Stephen King

People like to discount Stephen King as just a horror writer with no literary merit, but nothing could be further from the truth. Yes, there are monsters and terrifying plot twists in this book, but it is about the friendship of a group of kids that helps them defeat a cyclical evil that descends on the town of Derry, Maine. It turns out that their childhood work wasn’t finished, and they have to return as adults to end it once and for all. Strong themes of friendship—the kinds of friends you have when you are a kid—made this one of my favorites. Warner Brothers recently announced two motion pictures are in production from this book. Even though it is one of King’s longest works, you’ll be sad when it is over.

3. Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

The first rule of fight club is don’t talk about fight club. I guess I’m breaking that rule by telling you that the book is amazing. Yes, there is a film version of this that you have likely seen, and you probably already know the surprise ending. But getting there is a fine journey through the printed pages of Palahniuk’s breakout hit novel. I particularly loved the smart-ass tone of the book, and the way he describes everything slowly spinning out of control.

2. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Here’s one I did have to read in high school, and I was so hooked that I finished it ahead of our prescribed reading schedule. This book is beautiful in every possible way. If you haven’t read it yet, just do it. I can’t do it justice with a simple synopsis…other than by sharing my favorite line: “Pass the damn ham, please.”

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

I found this by complete accident when it was released back in February, and I bought it on a whim. I was immediately hooked with Smith’s writing style and the honest way in which he portrayed teenage awkwardness, hormones, and friendship. All of this goes on while giant praying mantis-like insects are hell bent on eating all of mankind. The bugs also like to screw their brains out. At the heart of it is the friendship of Austin and Robbie, and that is what the book is ultimately about. Don’t be misled by the publisher’s categorization of this as a young adult novel. This book is so much more in many ways. There is profanity, vulgarity, violence, and some of the most heartwarming situations in this brilliant coming of age novel. The author said in an interview that he wrote this for him and really didn’t want to share it; I’m glad he did. It is one of the most unique books of all time. I seems to encapsulate all of my favorite elements of every book on this list. Since I read it, I bought four of Andrew Smith’s other novels and I loved all of them. This guy is one hell of a talented writer and he deserves to become a household name. There is also a movie in the works based on this novel.

And there you have it. Hopefully, one of these books strikes your fancy. I also won’t argue with you if you choose to read Rated F or Blogs of Wrath.  

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Boner of the Week Richie T |
05/30/2014 | Filed In: Radio From Hell | Kerry Jackson | Bill Allred | Gina Barberi | Homosexuals | Joe the Plumber | Modesty | Isla Vista Shootings | Gays | Gay | Elliot Rodger | Gun | Guns | Richie T Steadman | Salt Lake City | Boners | Boner of the Week

Boner of the Week

Monday (Memorial Day)

Tuesday – Killer Homo Impulses Fox News’ Jeanine Pirro discussed on air with Dr. Robi Ludwig the idea that Elliot Rodger (the UCSB Killer) went on a rampage because he was gay. (Read Full Story Here)

Wednesday – Your dead kids don’t trump my constitutional rights Samuel Wurzelbacher, better known as Joe the Plumber, insisted the deaths of innocent people "don't trump" his constitutional rights to a gun. (Read Full Story Here)

Thursday – Modest is Hottest A group of female high school students in Wasatch County say their school took "modesty" standards too far when their yearbook photos were digitally altered to cover up skin, without their knowledge or permission. (Read Full Story Here)

Friday - Isla Vista shootings? I blame the gays. In a discussion with Tony Perkins, president of the hate group Family Research Council, FRC senior fellow Ken Blackwell blamed gays and the acceptance of them for Elliot Rodger's mass shooting. (Read Full Story Here)  

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St. Vincent Filling In For Kurt Cobain This Weekend Corey O'Brien |
05/29/2014 | Filed In: St. Vincent | HBO | Nirvana | Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame | Lithium

St. Vincent Filling In For Kurt Cobain This Weekend

St. Vincent's new self-titled album has set me straight. I had her pictured as some hippy-like, singer/songwriter, but I had her all wrong. All wrong I tell you. Ms. Clark is a punk in the best possible way and this weekend when HBO airs the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame induction concert this Saturday night St. Vincent will be filling in where Kurt Cobain used to stand.  I had no plans on watching this until I saw this clip today of her singing "Lithium."

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NSFW: Battle of the NSWF Music Vids Corey O'Brien |
05/29/2014 | Filed In: Cherub | Big Data | Corey O'Brien | NSFW

NSFW: Battle of the NSWF Music Vids

NSFW...because there are 3 of you who still don't know it stands for "Not Safe For Work", which is exactly what these videos are. Don't way we didn't warn you.  These might not even be safe for home and they aren't safe for kids, but they are great songs, weird songs, fun songs and the visuals accompanying them are entertaining to the right audience, so...

DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!

NSFW Conterder #1: Big Data "Dangerous (feat. Joywave)" NOTE: This video is violent with some sexy stuff at the end. Also, you will be scared of every woman you see jogging after view this video.

NSFW Contender #2: Cherub "Doses and Mimosas" NOTE: This video has naked people. Nudity: boobs and wieners. If you don't want to see those things then don't watch. If you watch and are offended don't whine to us, we made it very clear.

Here is the SAFE FOR WORK version of the Cherub song:

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