Primus is back together and bringing us more of that "is that funny?" style of wackiness! I know we've seen Les Claypool doing his side projects in recent years and I think there was even a Primus album or two that we all ignored in there somewhere. But THIS time it's the original lineup! The Primus we all know and love has not been in studio together since 1995. That's when I bought tales from the punch bowl at Fred Meyer in Taylorsville. Ok, my Mom bought it for me. :)
Then she and my Dad made this face while listening to it on the drive home.
It turns out that Les was a big fan of the 1970's version of "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", (Who wasn't?) so Claypool, along Larry LaLonde, and Tim Alexander have announced plans to pay tribute to with an album called "Primus and the Chocolate Factory with the Fungi Ensemble." Claypool tells "Rolling Stone" he was obsessed with the film as a kid, explaining that for a few years in the early '70s "it was everything Wonka." "Primus and the Chocolate Factory" is due out October 21st. Primus also plans to keep with the "Willy Wonka" tradition by putting five golden tickets in random copies of the special chocolate-colored vinyl edition of the new record.
Photo courtesy of Primus
Drummer Tim Alexander is also currently recovering after suffering a heart attack and undergoing open-heart surgery earlier this month, but he's expected to be back to his usual self in time for Primus to bring the "Chocolate Factory" album on the road starting October 22nd.Right now it doesnt look like there are any plans to stop through Utah.
Word has been spreading about Duran Duran suing their fan club. I don't know what I'm more suprised about. The fact that Duran Duran still has a fan club, or how they still have time to sue their fan club. What with all the time they spend hanging out on Todd Nuke 'Em's iPod.
But yeah, Duran Duran has officially taken issue with their fan club, and are heading to court. Please, God. Let this one end up on Judge Joe Brown.
I ASK YOU FOR SO LITTLE
But Todd (and other fans) can rest easy. Duran Duran is reassuring their audience that their lawsuit isn't aimed at them. The band has posted a statement to their website saying they "value and respect their many fans around the world." The group explains that the lawsuit is to protect their rights against the company that had been hired to manage their fan club --- not the fans themselves. Duran Duran adds that they're no longer working with WorldWide Fan Club Inc, but has "brought their official fan community in-house." They add that they will "continue to make every effort to provide the highest level of service" to their followers. Which makes me ask the question:
What the HELL does a Duran Duran fan club do?
I mean, there were only so many Duran Duran songs, and the true fans already have them. How many times can you hear about Rio dancing in the sand before you move on to some Midnight Oil or Information Society.
Bet you didn't know that song was about a camel.
In an Ordinary World, this would be handled in a friendly manner. But This is Planet Earth, and they are Notorious for being Wild Boys. Perhaps it was a Reflex, but Duran Duran got Hungry Like The Wolf and filed a breach of contract suit against WorldWide in a Chicago area court last Friday. However, many headlines in the U.S. and Britain this week stated that the group was suing their "own fan club." Which is a Big Thing ...Girls On Film.. I could't figure out a way to work that one in, but I like that song.
The Vans' Warped Tour is coming to Salt Lake City this Saturday, August 2nd! If you’ve never been to a music festival before, Warped Tour is great training. Maybe one day you may want to move up to Coachella, Lollapalooza or Bonnaroo. The Vans' Warped Tour is a one-day festival with a ticket price around $30, so you can afford it. Everyone should experience at least one music festival. We have also sprinkled bands we are excited to see at the fest through this blog.
If you are attending Warped Tour for the first time here is some wisdom from your friends at X96. It's Vans' Warped Tour 101:
Tickets: You can buy tickets by clicking here. Don’t wait until the day of to buy tickets because it will cost about five dollars more. Also, don't buy tickets in the parking lot or from scalpers. You never know what you are getting there.
You can bring your parents: If you are under 18 and your parents are worrisome, then they can come with you for free. Most likely they will have a great experience as well as long as you keep them fed and watered. Warped offers one complimentary parent admission per ticket to any minors. If you are under 18 and need to convince your parents to let you go, then this should help. There is a “parents only” booth at Warped Tour, which is basically a daycare for adults. NOTE: Guardians accompanying minors to the show must be legal guardians over the age of 28.
Times & stages: Bands will find out when they are playing the morning of that day’s show, which means the schedule will not be posted anywhere on the Warped Tour website or any band’s social media accounts prior to that day. X96 recommends showing up early so you don't miss your favorite bands. Near the entrance, there will be a huge inflatable “billboard” with the bands, the stages, and the times of their performances posted. There are eight stages spread throughout the fairgrounds. The bands listed above are subject to change. Take a picture of the lineup and the map in case you forget or the loose the map.
Avoid the long line: Bring three cans of food, a $5 donation, or a used cell phone to the Feed Our Children NOW! Tent located near the “skip the line” flag. They will let you skip to the front of the line for your donations.
Food & Water: X96 are Warped Tour veterans. To save money bring a CamelBak or the like with you or an empty water bottle you can refill throughout the day. Plan to grab a slice of pizza so something mid-day and meet with your friends (or that special someone you may meet at the show) after.
BRING CASH: Tents aren't going to accept plastic. Make sure to pull cash before you enter the fairgrounds, so you don't have to pay a bunch of ATM service fees.
What you can and can’t bring: You CAN bring a small lightweight backpack (or CamelBak), sunscreen, snacks, a point-and-shoot style camera (no professional cameras unless you have the right credentials), sharpie, cell phone, comfortable sneakers, and a hat. You CANNOT bring chains (like wallet chains), professional cameras, alcohol, recording devices, weapons, firearms, or any illegal drug substance (just a reminder in case you forget your common sense).
Band signings: Bands will have their signing times posted at their merchandise booths. So, in your spare time, check out all the booths for possible meet and greet times. Also, a lot of merch + sponsor booths give out free stuff like wristbands, sunglasses, posters, etc. If you’re looking for free stuff: any movie booth will be giving out free stuff, Trojan gives out free things (yes, condoms), Alternative Press has some limited freebies, Monster Energy usually gives out drinks, and the X96 booth will have some stuff too.
Medical Assistance: If you need medical care, look for the first aid flag at the medical booths. There will be plenty of other fun things to do Warped Tour other than watch bands. There will be slip n’ slides set up around the fairgrounds, some movie tents will show exclusive trailers, and of course you can hang out at your band's signings.
The Vans' Warped Tour is there for you to have fun, go nuts! Wear light and breathable clothing, bring plenty of water, cash, & sunscreen. Come with a good attitude and have a good time.
A quick lesson in things that you can, and can't buy in America. For the most part, things you are, and are not allowed to buy in The U.S. are pretty self-explanatory, and even make good sense. I can't buy a kidney. Or a child. That much is pretty obvious. But what about the other things that don't make all that much sense? I have found a few items that I would LIKE to buy, but can't because somebody somewhere has deemed them too dangerous. So I made a list, and compared that to a list of things that are 1000x times MORE dangerous, yet I can buy no problem. Feel free to add your own ideas. CAN'T: LAWN DARTS! Or "Jarts"
Back in the 70's and 80's toys were made of an extremely durable material called "metal". This not only helped to make your toys last longer, but also made them a LOT more fun to throw at other kids. Somebody had the idea to take a sharpened hunk of metal, attached some fins to them, and sent those sumbitches airborne. What could go wrong?! It's not like kids are going to lob those bad boys like SCUDs into a neighbor’s yard or anything right? Well, actually yeah. That's exactly what we did. My cousins had a set, and for us they were more like "fence darts".
That fence was a commie, man. In the 80's we fought commies. And ninjas.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, there were over 6000 serious injuries reported and one confirmed death, of which 81% were under the age of 15. So yeah, let's not make those any more. Good call. But here’s the weird part. Not only are they illegal to sell. And illegal to bring into the country, but they are illegal to POSSESS. You can't even HAVE them. I'm guessing the founding fathers did not have the time to include "poorly thought out yard games" in their list of priorities, otherwise we would have that in the constitution. Which brings me to CAN: An AR-15!
First off, I swear the first person that tries to turn this blog into a gun debate is going to get a Lawn Dart to the junk. BUT, yes it IS a little odd that it's easier for me to get an AR-15 than a functioning set of Lawn Darts. But as the official X96 "Right Wing Gun Nut" I can attest to how easy it is to buy a firearm. I bought my AR online on a website called gunbroker.com, which is like eBay for guns. That's not a joke. There is an eBay for guns, and it's awesome!
That fence is in SERIOUS trouble.
And while it was perfectly safe, and I had to have it shipped to a local gun store so that all the background info could be done, it's still true that I bought a very sophisticated weapon on the internet from what most people by now are picturing as a cartoon villain. CAN'T: KINDER EGGS.
Kinder Eggs are neat. They're small chocolate eggs containing smaller plastic choking hazards masquerading as toys. I don't know of any child that is able to swallow an entire egg whole, but as a new dad I can promise you that kids will figure out how to put an entire cat in their mouth in the 5 seconds it takes you to realize that your cat is missing. The law keeping us safe from Kinder Egg terrorism actually pre-dates their invention by about 30 years, dating back to a time that according to HBO's Boardwalk Empire was full of sex and death. I don't have the law in front of me, but it sums up as "hey don't put stuff in our food".
Turns out most things involving "choking" were discouraged.. Get it?
I actually had no idea what these were until a saw a news story a couple of years ago about a guy threatened with $10,000 in fines and jail time for bringing a handful of Kinder Eggs into the US from Canada. So while it's perfectly legal for a guy who played "fence darts" as a kid to buy an AR-15 on the internet, it's OUT OF THE QUESTION to bring a Kinder Egg into the country. Which is funny because one of my favorite things to do WITH my AR-15 is shoot something called "Tannerite" CAN: Tannerite!
Tannerite is actually a brand name for an "exploding target". Basically fertilizer and aluminum that when mixed with a shot from a rifle makes a huge mess out of anything that happens to be near by. Never heard of it? Check out what it can do to a car. So yeah obviously there are some restrictions that come with this one, but for the most part, and especially here in Utah, it's legal to buy year round, and legal to make ka-blooey noises. You can literally go into a sporting goods store and buy a jar of this stuff for about what it would cost to eat some Taco Bell. You might even get the same results.
You’ll want to make some delicious brownies.
CAN’T: Advil Cold and Sinus.
Alright, so a bit of a stretch. Of course it’s not actually a CAN’T. But thanks to a little thing called meth it’s a serious pain in the ass to get. I have to give the cashier my drivers license, which means I have to take it out of the little window thing in my wallet. I hate doing that… You know what I can buy WITHOUT a drivers license?
Yeah man. The one tool that is almost as synonymous with murder and dismemberment as it is for its intended use. Think about it. Have you ever been chased out of a local haunted house with a box of Sudafed? No. BUT I can go into a Home Depot right now and pay 50 bucks cash for a chainsaw without so much as a “hello” before I’m out dismembering a clown that I have in the trunk of my car. I’m also pretty sure it’s against the law to have a clown in the trunk of your car. I’ll have to check into that.
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