The Chinese give us some pretty great stuff at great prices whether they want to or not, so we should be grateful. They build our iPhones, stitch our clothes and the Peking Duck is about amazing as food gets, but this export could be the one to change my tune. I demand Congress take note and issue some steep tariffs on this one.
Someone who hates the cinema has decided to take a passive, enjoyable activity such as watching a movie and ruin it.
You're a darkened theater, you know, watching fine cinematic art. It's a great new action-adventure picture featuring Christina Hendricks or Lizzy Caplan (this is my blog, so I get to pick the stars) when in the bottom of your field of view you notice a little glowing screen. Your suspension of disbelief has been shattered and you just missed the topless bank robbery scene. Be damned those with their phone out in a movie theater! As you look back at the screen you read "Moar Bewbs ;)" over the top of the getaway scene. Lame.
According to Engadget, some brainchild in China has been experimenting with "bullet screens." Basically, it lets anyone post color commentary onto the actual movie screen while the film is playing. Because eveyone is funny and witty and should be heard. And the cost of ruining a movie for everyone in the joint: the equivalent of ten cents. Blasphemy!!!!!
If this is allowed to happen we should issue an apology to Pee-Wee Herman because what he did at the movies was less distracting and didn't involve taking out his cell phone. He took something out, but from all accounts I've read, it wasn't glowing. Though had he not been found out and arrested, he might have been glowing on his way out the door. Anyway...
People who take their phones out to text, talk or check our dessert recipes during a movie are society's scourge, the lowest common denominator and should be shamed for their social infraction - not encouraged to ruin everyone's good time a dime at a time.
As Engadget says, "a film connoisseur can watch as their most poignant wisecracks scroll across the screen with countless others... for better or worse."
I say it's definitely for worse.
I will admit it: not only am I on Tinder I have met some ladies as a result of "right-swipping."
I've always thought the online dating thing was a bit silly, but I have friends who live in larger cities where it is apparently hard to meet people, which makes no sense because it would seem a bigger city means more people and therefore a better chance of meeting someone where mutual digginess exists. So, I hopped on the iPhone, downloaded the app and started swiping...or my friends would take my phone and start swiping and leave me with some interesting matches the next day.
Either way, I thought my picture holding a baby tiger, a picture of me in Mexico, a picture of me snowboarding and a pic with some rock stars would really make things happen. I believe they call it, "delusions of grandeur."
Either way, leave it to Conan O'Brien and Dave Franco (brother of James Franco) to perfect the art of the Tinder pick-up as demonstrated here:
Slip on your velvet slippers, pour your favorite brown liquid into some fine glassware, fine your favorite chair and your best headphones because you have to wait no longer. You can listen to Jack White's second solo album, "Lazaretto" a full week before the release on June 10th. Just click here and be swept off that magical land of Apples and Jack.
Kids can be cruel. The internet can be cruel. Your neighbourhood butcher can be cruel. You brother is cruel. Your dog once bit you. The waiter at ______________ crop-dusted your table when dropping off appetizers and your mom says you should have been married by now.
Hell, a guy even makes it on national television and though he doesn't win he gets the news delivered by Heidi Klum. That kind of winning IS losing.
For Richie T even that kind of lose/winning leaves a guy open for insult to injury by some girl he doesn't even know...on Facebook.
If you want to send Richie words of comfort and encouragement you can stand by Richie's side by emailing him at Richie@X96.com. You can even email him if you have an anniversary coming up and need a singing telegram.
We though about holding a candlelight vigil, but we figured since the FCC makes us do so much PSA broadcasting each year anyway, we made this video instead to kill two (maybe 5) birds with one announcement:
NSFW...because there are 3 of you who still don't know it stands for "Not Safe For Work", which is exactly what these videos are. Don't way we didn't warn you. These might not even be safe for home and they aren't safe for kids, but they are great songs, weird songs, fun songs and the visuals accompanying them are entertaining to the right audience, so...
DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!
NSFW Conterder #1: Big Data "Dangerous (feat. Joywave)" NOTE: This video is violent with some sexy stuff at the end. Also, you will be scared of every woman you see jogging after view this video.
NSFW Contender #2: Cherub "Doses and Mimosas" NOTE: This video has naked people. Nudity: boobs and wieners. If you don't want to see those things then don't watch. If you watch and are offended don't whine to us, we made it very clear.
Here is the SAFE FOR WORK version of the Cherub song:
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